Fashion, or lack there of

I’ve lost more than 10% of my body. That’s crazy when you think about it. When the weight started coming off I wanted to start dressing my age and not like a grandma anymore. I started getting into fashion magazines and I started to wear make up more often, fix my hair, and paint my nails. I’ve pulled old dresses out of my closet that I haven’t fit into for 2-3 years. It’s been awesome.

But, there’s always a but, sometimes I look in the mirror and I see the old me. The almost 20 pounds heavier me. I still pick up clothes that are too big to try on. I still see my fat cheeks. I still get down on how I look. It’s so frustrating to think of what I’ve accomplished, but then dwell on how much farther I want to go.

Then I worry about how far I will obsess about this and how long until I think I “look” good. I have 12 pounds to go till I get to that magic number on the scale, but will it be enough? I’m trying to stay diligent and not obsess, but somedays I feel so defeated that I can’t help but obsess. Ugh, will it ever end?

But I want to leave this post on a positive note, so here’s a fun picture. Summer is here and now my toes match the great weather!

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Deep thoughts brought to you by Glee

Tonight’s Glee really hit home for me.  My whole life has been a battle with my self image.  Elementary school brought worries that my clothes were not cool enough, that I was too tall, and that I had to wear braces in 4th grade.  Middle school brought worries that I had to start shaving my legs, that all of the sudden I wasn’t tall enough, and what if boys didn’t think I was cute.  High School brought worries about zits, weight gain, weight loss, hair issues, facial hair issues, and at one point glasses.  Adulthood has brought on more zits, crazy yoyo weight loss and gain, more facial hair, and more hair issues.

At some point in my life I’ve wanted to change my hair, my eyes, my legs, the amount of body hair I have, my weight, my boobs, my nose, my nails, my shoulders, my butt, and even my toes

When I was at my highest weight I remember thinking “this is just the way my body is supposed to be, I need to except that,” but that was a lie.  I know that now, but how will I know when I get to the weight that my body is supposed to be at?  That I was born to be at?  How will I know when I’ve found the hair style I love the most?  The length that my nails are the prettiest?  The least amount of body hair that Im supposed to have?  Will I always want to go to great lengths to change myself, or will I find a comfortable place and stay there?

You know what?  I think that we’re always changing and growing and we wont ever stay in the same spot body wise, but I do know a couple things for certain.  I will always be the girl with the wide nose, wide butt, wide shoulders, extra hair, green eyes, long toes, small boobs, short nails, and regular height and Im okay with that.  The actual numbers or variations on these things might change, but they will always be a part of me because I really was born this way.  Lady GaGa and my Gleeks have it right.

“THERE’S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE”
SHE SAID, “‘CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE”

To Weigh or Not to Weigh

This is my first post from my phone, so bear with me 😉

I’ve been having a love hate relationship with the scale lately. My friend Yasi blogged about her experience with a scale and ever since then I’ve been wondering about my relationship with my scale. The scale is in another bathroom across the house so I don’t have to think about it much. Once I finally remember I need to weigh in, it’s after a couple cheat days and I’m usually feeling disgusting, then I get on the scale and I end up feeling worse than I did before the weigh in. Or I’ll remember at night and I truly feel that weighing in at night should be against the law, it always ends bad. The point of this battle with the scale is that I think I’m going to purchase my own and not rely on the one across the house. I’m going into this purchase realizing that this could end badly. I don’t want to weigh obsessively multiple times a day, but I do feel that I need more of a visual confirmation that my body is changing.

I feel like this part of the journey is the hardest. I’ve lost some weight and I feel like I look better so I can go two different ways with this. I can get lazy because I’ve accomplished something and slip back into old ways, or I can be diligent and keep up the good work. I’m hoping having the scale will help me attain the latter way.

What do you think about the scale? I’m I setting myself up for obsessing or could the scale be a good thing?